My Dear Friends,
The last couple of weeks have been life-changing. On June 27th my mother wrote to me: “You do not have a mother… I am disinheriting you.”
To give you a bit of history to this statement… during the last year, I experienced 6 straight months of emotional abuse from my mother, very similar to what follows below. As a result of consistently violent behavior and many attacks on my spirituality, I set very strong boundaries in place. Namely, she was blocked on my phone and could no longer send me hate texts in the middle of the night or call and leave angry voicemails every couple days. I said the only way she could contact me was via email to let me know about important family updates. In terms of contact, the new rule I set in place was that I would only see her at significant family events, such as major holidays or birthdays, and I would not attend any other family events. Meaning, I’ve been opting out of all family activities for about the last 6 months, which has provided me more peace of mind and some time to heal from all the destruction. As a result of her frustration with my new boundaries, she lashed out at me a couple weeks ago and sealed the deal. I do not have a mother now.
In response to her disinheritance announcement, I took an opportunity to give a final statement of my standing with her church: “By the way, thought I should mention that I officially resigned from the LDS church and have received confirmation that I'm not a member anymore. This means we no longer have any binding commitments for eternity so you are off the hook.” I suppose it was a succinct truth, but I do regret that it was harsh. Nonetheless, I wanted to be clear what my new terms are for life - it’s a new era.
Her response was somewhat predictable, and demonstrative of the majority of her attacks: “In your new dark life I have assumed you had done that. Living so close to your lesbian neighbors and being in an accepting attitude of all that is against the God I believe in, I am not surprised what has happened to you. You have no light or radiance about you that used to show in your eyes. Now I see nothing. You have given yourself over to Satan and his minions. There is no happiness for you as long as you stay where you are. It is sad but it is your choice and I would believe anything I hear about you… You are someone else now. Someone else inhabits your body. It is so weird. I hope you got a good price for your soul? Nothing else to say.”
This basically summarizes the last year of my life. I will not play this game a moment longer. I am ready for a new story and new, positive people in my inner circle. I am absolutely ready to let go of this cycle of destruction and pain and start a new life. I am so grateful to be disowned if it means that I won’t have to receive any more messages like this. I’m tired of being hated and feeling less than worthy of love because my spiritual path is different than what this woman can accept. I find it so sad that she cannot see the good that I do simply because I’m not Mormon. I find it deeply discouraging that my acceptance of people from all walks of life is an avenue for attack. Of course, Mormon theology supports prejudice against homosexuals and different faith groups that don’t have the “fullness of the truth.”
To my brother’s and in-law’s credit, they have not supported any of my ex-mother’s attacks and have been much more loving and supportive of me claiming my own truth with my own spiritual path. This particular woman has simply chosen to take the worst of the ego and darkness and wrap it in a cloak of righteous indignation. She is not truly a representative of most Mormons, who frankly are some of the most loving, caring people I’ve ever met.
I find myself incredibly conflicted because the whole Mormon experience has been incredibly negative for me. Leaving the church has been excruciatingly painful and I feel like I have had to give up my family and community and embody the life of a religious refugee, fleeing persecution from my own mother. I do not feel at home in Utah and I feel constantly misunderstood and out of place here. Yet I don’t want to hurt anybody in this transition away from Mormonism. I love my siblings and I have so many good friends who are Mormons and are beautiful, kind people. Unfortunately, I have experienced the worst of this religion and how concepts and ideologies can be used to separate, wound and hurt others who are different. And I know that I’m not the only one who has been through similar shaming.
The reason why I share this story is to highlight that emotional abuse for any reason is absolutely unacceptable. So many people, just like me, suffer in silence and don’t speak out, especially if the values of the community support prejudice against being different. If you have experienced anything like this, it’s time to take a stand, protect yourself and start your healing journey.
I am offering a 4 week online course for healing from emotional trauma. The course provides all the best tools that I found during my own healing process this last year that brought me back from the edge of not wanting to live anymore. These tools, techniques and practices helped me to find strength, courage and joy again. This process re-ignited a deep desire to thrive in this world and to throw off all the oppression, guilt and self-loathing that kept me hiding from life for years!
It is my sincere hope that by sharing these positive, constructive, love-based methods for healing from emotional trauma, that other people out there may not have to go through as much hell as I have. I wouldn’t wish this kind of abuse on anyone because it does eat away at your soul. However, it is absolutely possible to heal and recover from emotional trauma. Through doing the deep inner work, it is possible to repair everything that has become fractured. Reclaiming your self-love and rediscovering what makes life worth living for is such a beautiful journey.
I invite you to try out my free, 15 minute guided energy healing download. It is all about letting go of difficulty and healing from trauma, one layer at a time. This is a free sample of the kind of work that I’ll be sharing in my 4 week course. Click here to download.
If you want more information about how it works, I invite you to watch this video where I explain it in more depth.
Wishing you great joy and happiness in your journey,