My darlings, this week I feel like writing again. I’ve been doing some deep learning and reflecting the last couple months, deepening my own healing and coaching work and venturing into the realm of transformational, consciousness coaching - discovering how to link mindfulness with high achievement. While on this journey, I stumbled across the realization of how crucial it is to get very real with true emotions. It turns out, no matter how much you try to override your heart, it will find a way to be heard. 

Break Down to Break Through

I’m going to get real with you here. And that’s a vulnerable thing. Sometimes as a coach and a healer, I feel tremendous pressure to keep it all together all the time. To be able to moderate my emotions and keep it all contained in a smooth, yogic serenity - but honestly, I’m learning that is overrated. Sometimes the best learning happens when you get real and allow a break down so that you can have a break through. Here is what mine looked like: massive regret and heartbreak. 

Two weeks ago, my younger brother and his darling wife brought healthy, beautiful twin babies into this world. They are the most gorgeous little creatures I’ve ever had the chance to interact with. It’s so marvelous to see my brother so lit up with love and joy as a new parent. He and his wife are incredible, loving parents and I love seeing them experiencing this new phase of life. They worked really hard to get to this point, and I’m so proud of them to see them living out their dreams. And yet, as I drove away from the hospital after the babies were first born, I burst out into a sobbing mess of tears and cried the whole way home. Raw, unfiltered emotions were emerging from such a deep place that I didn’t even know where they were coming from. There was no stopping them, they needed to be heard. The tears kept flowing with a fierce, hot fury that almost felt like anger that had melted into water, washing across my entire body like a hurricane. 

That was the first time I think I’ve ever really felt the deep, burning sadness of regret. There is something about being the oldest child that sets you up for certain expectations about the way that life should be. I was supposed to get married first, have kids first, do everything first… and as it stands, I’ll be the last to do all of those things - if at all. I felt this deep, resonating regret like my life has been moving on without me. I felt like I have a bundle of dreams that are sitting tied up on a shelf to be addressed at a later date and this crushing sense of terror washed over me, feeling that I might never get to live those dreams myself. 

Losing Love

Then the very next week, my relationship fell apart with a man who I truly thought was a soulmate. I had fallen in love with him the moment I met him. I recognized him at a soul level, like family but even more familiar. Spending time with him was like being in the room with another one of “me,” our energies blending calmly and easily, feeling an easy sense of flow and compatibility. I thought that we were tracking towards a significant relationship, and after a series of very direct, real conversations, we realized that we are looking for different things. I can hardly convey the crushing sense of loss I felt with the realization that this person who I felt so deeply connected to would no longer be in my life. I felt like a piece of me died, and I still feel shaken to the core. I’m crying even as I write this, the pain is still so fresh. Yet, I’m willing to share it because it’s fucking real. And it hurts, and I know I’m not the only one who has felt this kind of pain. In a world of photoshop and perfect little social media posts about happy, perfect lives, I realize how important it is to be REAL. 

So much of what I’m learning lately in my healing work both with clients and when I receive sessions is the importance of being very honest with yourself. When you are willing to be direct and honest with yourself, your heart has a fighting chance at actually telling you something useful. It turns out, it’s actually quite hard to really listen to your heart and to truly honor it. I’ve been realizing lately just how many times I’ve completely ignored my own inner guidance or hesitations and pushed right past that inner knowing to make a decision that I would later regret. However, the times when I did honor that quiet, loving discernment I inevitably ended up making my life easier for myself. The heart will always guide you in a beautiful direction, the egoic mind is another story. 

Courage to really "feel" 

Learning to listen to your feelings and to really honor your emotions is a skill that should be much more respected and honored. Your soul speaks through the heart, and it can only be heard if you are brave enough to listen to it. It takes courage to actually FEEL things. I think the majority of people out there in the world are scared shitless to actually feel anything. It’s so much easier to be comfortably numb. But my darlings, your strength comes from being able to feel. Even if it is something as painful as regret or deep heartbreak because when you can actually feel something, you have the gift of learning from the situation and being able to show up and choose again. 

I am not going to be broken by regret or heartbreak, rather I feel that much more driven and propelled forward by that emotion that I felt. I have an even deeper sense of conviction that those dreams that are all bundled up are absolutely part of my destiny and I’ll be damned if I ever give up on them or let them escape me. I am not a victim! I always have the chance to choose again and design a life that I love. If anything, the last couple weeks of torment have strengthened my resolve to double down and make my life fucking fantastic. I will not be defeated by this. 

And the good news is, with the healing and coaching work that I do, I have the resources and tools that I need to move forward. I have an action plan and the community support to be able to strategically and consciously advance my life. And this is something I would love to share with you. As a Certified High Performance Coach and Energy Healer, I am happy to offer you a FREE intro session to get a taste of the work that I do. In this session, I give you a real sense of what it is like to do transformational, consciousness coaching work so that you are not at the whims of circumstance or regret. I help you to get real and to tune into the deeper emotions that are pushing you towards your destiny. Reach out to me and schedule your free session today, I'm really excited to talk with you soon! 

Let's Get Real

And so here is my message for you today: Get real. Face your fears head on and listen to what your heart is trying to tell you. Your life is an incredible story that is being written with every choice that you make - so what story do you want to tell? Do not waste a single precious moment of this life my darlings. 

To your greatness,