My dear friends, I've had a few people say to me, where have you been? Well the truth is, I have been taking my own advice and doing lots of deep inner work. The last couple months have been deeply transformative. In November I started doing lots and lots of energy healing work and managed to shift out some very old patterns of trauma that have really been haunting me for a very long time. I've recently discovered that with healing work you can reach a critical mass tipping point. I found that after you remove the initial layers of trauma you can finally start to access deep core issues that are ready to be worked on. That is where things start to get really interesting. I’m talking miracles here.
A long journey
Over the last year I have been quite open about my experience moving back to Utah and my struggles with leaving the Mormon faith. In July of last year, my mother disowned me because of our religious differences. I went through a period of six months where I had close to no interaction with my family. This period of time was important and gave me the chance to heal my own heart and work on cultivating my own sense of self. It gave me some important space from a painful situation, yet it was very challenging to be outside of my tribe that I grew up with. It was really hard not to have anywhere to go for Sunday dinner and although I had done it for many years while living abroad, it was different living in Utah just around the corner from where everyone was gathering together. I felt so completely isolated and out of place.
One day in early December I met with my brother at a Starbucks close to where I was working. I realized how much I missed him and how much I miss seeing my family. As I was driving home that day, I started thinking about the situation with my mom. I realized how different I felt since doing all of the deep healing work on myself and how much I had let go of what had happened in the past, especially the last couple of years. I realized how many skills I have acquired in my journey as a coach and a healer. I realized how important it is to have the ability to move through trauma and that so many people simply haven't had the opportunity to learn how to do that.
As I drove home after seeing my brother that day in December, forgiveness flooded through my heart towards my mother and my family. I realized that it was my mother's own woundedness that was doing the talking during the last couple of years and that without some support and training it would be hard for her to really articulate what she was trying to say. My heart softened as I realized that we are all really just doing the best we can given the skills we currently have. And sometimes fear has the loudest voice.
When I arrived home from my big forgiveness moment, my Mom was on my front porch. I hadn’t called her or said anything, she just knew. She said she wanted to work things out, and that was where the miracle process began, perfectly orchestrated by some kind of magic timing.
Was the big break necessary?
While I started working with my Mom on the healing process, I'd have moments of questioning whether it was a mistake to have 6 months of no contact. After a great deal of reflection, I'm going to say, no regrets at all. It was important. It gave us all a chance to assess who we are and what we really want. It gave me a chance to grow stronger on my own and to learn how to find my own feet and work through it all. I think all of us have to go through that learning curve at some point in time. I learned to say no to emotional abuse and I think that's really important. It's hard to learn how to state boundaries especially when you're someone who really likes to make sure that everyone is happy. Having boundaries can mean that sometimes people will not be happy with you and you have to be OK with that. The separation also helped me to realize how much I do love my family. Despite our many differences and spiritual beliefs that don't always coincide, we do share many things that give us a common ground. Ultimately, there is no one right way to do things. Everybody has the right to choose their own path, and even if you disagree with that path, it's important to honor others choices.
Since that breakthrough day in December of forgiveness, we have been working hard as a family to move through our issues. For the sake of privacy for my family, I will not going to much detail about what we're working through. However, I wish to say that it has been deeply rewarding and very healing for all of us to learn how to effectively move through tough conversations and how to honor each other's perspectives even if we don't fully agree with them.
Since December, things have improved massively. We have addressed some very core issues that have gone unspoken for a very long time. This is been so important especially given that my grandfather passed away just last night, and I'm so grateful that my family was whole and well and in a good place for his transition. It was so wonderful to not have a lifetime of bad blood between us with his passing. Have we we fixed everything? Certainly not. But now we know how to work through things in a more empowered way for all of us. Having the tools to respond to challenges is the big difference.
Why this matters
I shared my story not because I am so terribly unique or because my story is of paramount importance for you all to know. I share my story because as a human tribe we learn through stories. All of us go through these kinds of challenges. Six months ago I had no idea that my family would ever even reach a resolution. I knew that healing work was powerful, but I had no idea that healing was approaching for my family in such a timely and beautiful way. I can only describe it as Grace. I feel like the magic that has surrounded the circumstances especially the last couple of months is simply the grace of a beautiful divine intelligence at work. I am incredibly grateful for the peace that this healing process has brought my heart. I feel much more whole now.
Although I don't think that we are ever completely done with the healing journey, I know that this is an important milestone, and I wish for you to know if you are dealing with a difficult situation, to hang in there. Life can be absolutely brutal at times, but keep going. Hold the hope in your heart and do the deep work because it is so rewarding when you move up to the next level of achievement in your own personal growth and development. Remember that Grace is out there for you and your loved ones and when you show up for life and say that you're willing to do the deep work, miracles can happen.
Keep going, you can do it.